Welcome to the circus

Guys. Guys. So many things I haven't told you. I got a delightful new job, started going to boot camp, AND last night I joined a gym (separate from the boot camp).

( Beneath, find the State of the Snack! )

1) I have no idea what's going on with Livejournal, but it's become next to impossible for me to use at work. Strangely, this is not any of work's doing. There seems to be some problem with Firefox and LJ not playing nice with each other. I can't comment on entries, nor can I read long comment threads (can't expand). I've followed LJ's suggestions, but none of them work. Basically, I'll have to use another browser just to read LJ. SIGH. LJ, I want to keep using you, but you make it so hard. ETA: If you comment on this entry on LJ, I can't reply, it won't let me. :(

2) If you follow me on the Facebook, you will have seen this already, but if not, here's Snacky health news: I am having an MRI today to determine a diagnosis for my back and leg pain. The x-rays already showed arthritis (severe facet arthopathy was the term used), so the MRI is to figure out why I have terrible nerve pain and numbness in my legs (spinal stenosis is a suspect).

So I have to lie flat and unmoving on my back for 35 minutes for the MRI. Aaaaaand due to the pain, that's one thing I have a lot of trouble doing. I've been practicing for a week, can only make it to 12 minutes without moving. So my wonderful doctor has given my a combo of sedatives and pain pills to take, in the hope that I will be able to make it the entire 30 minutes.

Basically I will be doped out of my mind. :D Which is probably good, since I've been having massive anxiety about this whole thing.

3) So I think my new boss is a bit of a flake. First there was the whole review thing where she tried to give me a review for a year when she only supervised me for 6 weeks. Yesterday, she sent out the new edition of our email newsletter, and asked me to link to it on the website, FB, and Twitter. She asked me the same thing last month, and I said I couldn't link to an email, unless she had a link to give me, since I can't just link to inboxes. But she didn't have a link, since she builds it as an email in Constant Contact. So I suggested that I would make a news post on our website and FB and Twitter about it, and link to our sign-up form, so people could sign up to receive the email. And she said, "Oh, that's a great idea!" So that was what we did last month.

I reminded her we had this conversation last month, and she was like, "Oooooh. Right. Well, can you recreate it on the website?" I told her I could, but it wouldn't look exactly like the email, since she's using Constant Contact's templates, but I could recreate it the best I could. "Won't that be too much work?" she asked, and I said, not really, if that's what she wanted me to do. But then I reminded her that the reason she wanted an email newsletter was so that people would sign up and give us their contact info, which she wants for funding/donor campaigns, and if we put the newsletter on the website, aren't we defeating that purpose? "Good point!" said she. "Keep doing what you're doing!"

I'm wondering if we'll have this conversation again next month.

So, in June, my old laptop died. It was a five year old Macbook. I replaced it with a new Macbook Pro, which is running the latest version of OS X - Mountain Lion.

In July, my old desktop died. It was a seven year old iMac. I was mainly using it as a backup to the laptop, and I stored all my music on it, because it was so old and ran so slow and basically had no more upgrades left in it. It didn't even have enough memory to upgrade the OS, so it was still running Snow Leopard.

I did not replace it, because I had just bought a new computer. I pulled all the music and files I needed off the backup drive, and said goodbye.

Last week, my modem died. I had kind of forgotten how old it was - eleven years old. So, not a surprise it died, I guess. Anyway, Verizon sent me a new one, free of charge. And I set up the new network, everything worked, super easy, la la la.

Except for the wireless printer. Which can see the new network, but can't log into it. You have to set up the login with the wireless printer connected via USB to the computer.

But the computer is too new, and the printer is too old (four years old) to do this. HP doesn't update the drivers to work with Mountain Lion. It took three phone calls to HP to determine this.

Now, if the old iMac hadn't died first, it would have been easy to set it up using that, with the old OS. But no, everything fell apart in the wrong order.

So now I have a wireless printer that still prints, but not wirelessly, and my mother can't print at all, since she's got a Chromebook and can ONLY print wirelessly.

Obviously my house is under a technology curse (downstairs neighbor had to get a new modem last week too).

It's tax-free weekend in MA. I am buying a new printer, and giving the old one to my brother.

Nothing else better die.

Thank you to everyone who called and texted and tweeted to check in with me yesterday. I wasn't in Boston. My nephew was down by the finish line, but he's fine. Understandably upset, but fine. He smartly called his parents immediately after it happened, before cell phone service was shut down, and they called the rest of the family, and we knew he was okay, but oh, it was still such a relief when he called me and I heard his voice.

I am just so relieved and thankful that everyone I know and love is okay, and so heartsick and grieving for those who weren't as lucky.

I used to live in Boston, and worked in Kenmore Square, ages ago. My company was always closed on Patriot's Day, as the Marathon route went right by our front door. But my coworkers and I used to go in and watch from the roof, and cheer the runners on. I've also waited at the finish line for friends, cheering on everyone who crossed.

And what keeps going through my mind is "Why? How could they do that? There are families there, there are kids there, don't they know that? Don't they understand? It's the Marathon!"

And of course they understood. Of course they knew that. They packed the explosives with projectiles, to do the most harm possible. They wanted to cause that kind of destruction, grief, and terror.

I don't think the answer to "why?" which I suppose will come when they catch the person responsible for this, will ever make any kind of sense to me.

My friend told me on Easter that she thinks she's developed an allergy to peanut butter.

Friend: I've eaten a lot of peanut butter eggs this year. A lot. *shifty eyes* I had to buy the kid's Easter candy twice. And I started getting a rash on my chest. So I think I might be allergic to peanut butter now. My father developed a peanut allergy when he was 60, and I'm afraid I might be developing it now.
Me: That sounds like you are! *explains how my allergy (not to peanut butter) started with a rash*
Friend: But I love peanut butter! How will I live without peanut butter?!
Me: I don't know but you'll --
Friend: -- maybe it's the chocolate! Maybe it's not the peanut butter?
Me: I suppose you could try them separately?
Friend: I had peanut butter crackers the other day, and I got the rash.
Me: ...so not the chocolate then.
Friend: Well, everything else is fine! I mean, my tongue doesn't swell up, and my throat doesn't close, and my lips don't feel fuzzy, so...
Me: ...so the plan is keep eating peanut butter until full-blown anaphylaxis sets in?
Friend's Sister: THANK YOU!

I'll keep you updated, if she goes into a Reese's peanut butter cup related coma.

*************

I went to the dentist again yesterday. Words you never want to hear from a dental professional: "Wow, your gums look like hamburger."

:(

We are trying something with the crown, to hopefully heal my gums and my irritated tooth. My dentist is a loon, but he's a good guy.

I made my way outside to shovel. The hope was that I could clean out the parking lot entrance so we could move our cars.

( It was a fool's hope... )

So now we just wait for a plow to come to clean out the school parking lot, so we can move our cars. The driving ban is still in effect until this afternoon, so it's not like we're going anywhere.

Hello! I could tell you about all the drama going on in my house (technically outside of the house) right now, but it is too long and involved and makes me crazy to think about. Basically, two things can sum the whole thing up:

1) Real life is not a reality show. Behaving like you think you're on a reality show is unappealing, horrible, and basically just demonstrates how crazy you really are.

2) There are times when life and the things we have to do seem hard, and overwhelming, and impossible. I understand this and have found myself in this position before. But if you are a woman, the solution to all these hard things is not to just lie down and say, "I can't do it! I need a man!" and ignore all the very real problems you have in your life until a man can come along to fix them.

Honestly. You don't want to know.

*************

Work is going well! My boss let me go home early last Friday, because she had been out sick all week with the flu (sweeping my company like the plague) and I had filled in for her on several critical issues with the president of the company. She said, "I just want you to know I really appreciate you. I appreciate you and all you do."

This is such a change from the last batch of asshats I used to work with, that I was a bit overwhelmed when she said it.

Speaking of the last batch of asshats, I had dinner with my former coworker and friend F last week, and she reports that the asshats are still asshatting about, that they can't keep anyone in my former position, and they have eliminated the position of my supervisor, after the last one quit and told them she wasn't taking their blaming bullshit anymore. Things are not going so well, F says. In fact, she is looking for another job herself.

Oh, how my heart breaks from them. Not.

*************

Last but not least, a meme! By way of musesfool:

Pick a character* I've written and I will give and explain the top five** ideas/concepts/etc I keep in mind while writing that character that I believe are essential to accurately depicting them.

* Try to make it someone I've written (including characters I RP'ed) or recently in order for me to answer.
** May not actually be five.

1) I have a date for my surgery: Friday, October 5. Sadly, my plans to get my family to give me an iPad as a recovery gift have fallen through, since the recovery is only expected to be a few short days. But! Imagine a life without my right hand constantly being numb and in pain (okay, you don't have to imagine it, but I will)! It will be glorious, iPad or no!

2) Today I almost drove off the road on the way to work, not due to numbness in my hand, but due to the bizarre spectacle of a woman on the side of the road, in flesh-colored leggings, a red v-neck shirt that was cut extremely low, with like, black fluttery sleeves attached to it, and a giant fur hat on her head. The giant fur hat had these long side flaps that came down and wrapped around her neck, and it basically looked like a howler monkey was sitting on her head and trying to strangle her. It almost beats a goose in a sack for odd things I have seen on my way to work. If only it were an actual howler monkey.

3) ( Cut for bodily TMI )

4) I am still pondering Yuletide! This puts me behind the times, I bet. I'm sure everyone else has all their nominations locked in already. I saw that someone was going to nominate The Montmaray Journals but I am still thinking I should nominate it, just to get all the characters in. Other things I want that other people are nominating include Code Name Verity, and the Austin & Murry-O'Keefe Families, Political Animals and Young Avengers.

I kind of want to nominate the Beany Malone/Katie Rose series by Lenora Mattingly Weber, but I fear that I am the only person who has read these and it would be a wasted nomination. Ditto on Norma Johnston's Keeping Days books.

Then there are things I want to see nominated not just for requesting purposes, but because I could write them: The Stand, Northern Exposure, Space: Above and Beyond, Mary Poppins, Buckaroo Banzai, The Melendy Family, Little Women, Tales of the City, and Brideshead Revisited.

Hmm, tiny fandoms of my heart lean heavily to books.

Oh Yuletide, you are causing me agita! What to do, what to do?!

Just to expand a little on something I said on Twitter:

@snacky: It's so odd that people think by saying "Sad to hear about Amy Winehouse" you're saying "I don't care about the tragedy in Norway."

@snacky: Newsflash: You can be sad and have sympathy for more than one tragedy.


Strangely, my sympathy doesn't tap out at, "100 innocent Norwegians killed." That's a terrible tragedy, not just in scale of loss, but in the shock and horror that terrorist unleashed upon the entire nation of Norway.

And yes, Amy Winehouse was someone who made poor life choices, and her death was probably the result of those poor choices. But I loved her songs, and I can feel a sense of sadness and loss over her death, and at the same time, still care about the tragedy in Norway. I know, it's amazing! Like a magic trick!

The thing to remember is that each death is a tragedy to someone (and if it's not, that's a tragedy within itself). Amy Winehouse had family and friends who loved her and will mourn and grieve for her. And to dismiss her death by saying she was just another messed up celeb and we need to "keep things in perspective" because what happened in Norway was much more tragic - you know, I know about perspective, thanks. But just because the scale of loss is greater in Norway, it doesn't take away people's sadness over her death. You can't just say, "Stop being upset about THAT, because THIS is bigger." That's just absurd. That's not how life or emotions work.

Let me put it in perspective: my friend died last week, and the grief of his passing is not suddenly gone, erased magically because the death toll in Norway was so high. "Oh, there's not enough sadness to go around! I have to stop being sad over one thing, so I can be sad over this other thing now."

Sometimes you ARE just too consumed with grief or sadness over one thing, to devote much time or attention to another tragedy. That's human too, it happens to everyone, and I understand. But other people don't get to draw that line for you, and tell you when to start and stop caring about exactly what things.

You know, I went to a wake and funeral last week. And my friend's parents were incredibly generous, in the heart of their own grief. They said, "I know how much you loved him too" and "I know you'll miss him and I'm so sorry." And then after I passed through the receiving line, I was shown some pictures of my friend, and we all laughed, through our tears, because they were funny pictures and we were able to remember the good times, even while we still were grieving.

Because emotions are messy and complicated, and you don't stop laughing, even when you're still crying. And I just don't get it when people think grief is a medal you earned, and tragedy is trump card you can play... to shut people up and win something, I guess. I don't know what.



@tbq: I never understand the whole idea that we can only process one thing at a time. Our minds, hearts, and souls are bigger than that.

Sam update: He is at the vet, having IV fluids and blood tests, and so far levels are normal. He will have a urine test later, just to check, but the vet is optimistic and says we dodged a bullet.

However, he wants to do blood tests on Sophie to make sure she didn't ingest anything. He says she wouldn't have necessarily vomited it like Sam did. :( So when I pick him up, I have to bring her in for those. So I am now hoping for more bullet-dodging.