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Jan. 11th, 2013 08:55 amPeople! I have had a drama-filled week all around. There was a wankstorm at work, there's family drama, there's friends in situations. So today, I present to you:
How to avoid drama and upset (in fandom, online, with family, friends, frenemies, and colleagues, in 10
Sometimes people say to me, "Snacky, we need your wisdom!" and verily, I deliver it unto them!
icon courtesy of![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ropo
(This previously appeared on Twitter, now you can read it here, in an expanded format!)
1) No one thinks about you as much as you think they do. They're too busy thinking about themselves, just like you.
2) Refuse to play reindeer games! Some people like to drag you into drama. Just smile and be polite and walk the fuck away. They can't have the drama if you won't give it to them. Sometimes you will get sucked in for a bit, and understandably so! But you can always withdraw and stop playing, and there is no greater satisfaction in drama than in being the one to end it.
3) Everyone wears the white hat in their own cowboy movie. That person you think is a bad guy? Considers themself the hero like you! Okay, I am sure there are some people who like to actively consider themselves the villains in everyone else's life and who think their purpose is just to fuck things up for everyone else, but these people are few and far between.
4) Assume good intentions. This can be hard! Oh my god, it can be VERY HARD. But until you get shit spelled out for you loud and clear, just assume awkward and bad phrasing, not malice. Yes, sometimes there is true malice going on, and you will know this, so when it happens, refer to #2.
5) Keep it in perspective. Sure, bad shit DOES go down*, but most stuff is pretty petty. Rage, vent, curse the heavens, do what you gotta, then let go and move on. And remember: you can forgive, but you don't have to forget.
6) Let people do their thing, you do yours, try not hurt anyone and apologize if you do. Hope for apologies for your own hurts but let it go if you don't get them. You can't make people behave any differently, as much as you'd like to.
7) Cut everyone, including yourself, some slack.
8) Trust your instincts. If you don't want to talk to someone/drink the water/wear a hat, you don't have to! Be hat free and be happy!
9) If the hat-wearing people aren't actively causing harm, it's cool. Live and let other people wear hats! AS long is no one is forcing hats on you, let them get on with their hat-wearing, over there, away from your hat-free self. If the hat-wearing people ARE dangerous or actively causing harm, take the steps you can/need to a)prevent it, and b) keep yourself safe (I'll let the hat metaphor die now, okay).
10) Don't be mean! I'm not trying to make this a Mean Girls vs. Cult of Nice thing - I just mean, kindness is better, as much as you can. This can be a tough one, really, I know! But I've far regretted the times I was mean and never the times I was kind.
To sum up: Be cool, babies. It's all good. And when it's not good, you can make it better, even if it's a bit of a slog sometimes. But now you have this handy guide to help you. And people are going to give even better advice in the comments, because that's what comments are for! :D
*This guide is not meant to apply to the really bad shit (and you know what it is) going on in your life, nor is it meant to minimize anyone's crises or catastrophes. If you're going through that, I wish you all the best, and hope you can hang in there.
How to avoid drama and upset (in fandom, online, with family, friends, frenemies, and colleagues, in 10 easy hard-learned from experience, steps
Sometimes people say to me, "Snacky, we need your wisdom!" and verily, I deliver it unto them!
icon courtesy of
ropo(This previously appeared on Twitter, now you can read it here, in an expanded format!)
1) No one thinks about you as much as you think they do. They're too busy thinking about themselves, just like you.
2) Refuse to play reindeer games! Some people like to drag you into drama. Just smile and be polite and walk the fuck away. They can't have the drama if you won't give it to them. Sometimes you will get sucked in for a bit, and understandably so! But you can always withdraw and stop playing, and there is no greater satisfaction in drama than in being the one to end it.
3) Everyone wears the white hat in their own cowboy movie. That person you think is a bad guy? Considers themself the hero like you! Okay, I am sure there are some people who like to actively consider themselves the villains in everyone else's life and who think their purpose is just to fuck things up for everyone else, but these people are few and far between.
4) Assume good intentions. This can be hard! Oh my god, it can be VERY HARD. But until you get shit spelled out for you loud and clear, just assume awkward and bad phrasing, not malice. Yes, sometimes there is true malice going on, and you will know this, so when it happens, refer to #2.
5) Keep it in perspective. Sure, bad shit DOES go down*, but most stuff is pretty petty. Rage, vent, curse the heavens, do what you gotta, then let go and move on. And remember: you can forgive, but you don't have to forget.
6) Let people do their thing, you do yours, try not hurt anyone and apologize if you do. Hope for apologies for your own hurts but let it go if you don't get them. You can't make people behave any differently, as much as you'd like to.
7) Cut everyone, including yourself, some slack.
8) Trust your instincts. If you don't want to talk to someone/drink the water/wear a hat, you don't have to! Be hat free and be happy!
9) If the hat-wearing people aren't actively causing harm, it's cool. Live and let other people wear hats! AS long is no one is forcing hats on you, let them get on with their hat-wearing, over there, away from your hat-free self. If the hat-wearing people ARE dangerous or actively causing harm, take the steps you can/need to a)prevent it, and b) keep yourself safe (I'll let the hat metaphor die now, okay).
10) Don't be mean! I'm not trying to make this a Mean Girls vs. Cult of Nice thing - I just mean, kindness is better, as much as you can. This can be a tough one, really, I know! But I've far regretted the times I was mean and never the times I was kind.
To sum up: Be cool, babies. It's all good. And when it's not good, you can make it better, even if it's a bit of a slog sometimes. But now you have this handy guide to help you. And people are going to give even better advice in the comments, because that's what comments are for! :D
*This guide is not meant to apply to the really bad shit (and you know what it is) going on in your life, nor is it meant to minimize anyone's crises or catastrophes. If you're going through that, I wish you all the best, and hope you can hang in there.
